After a loved one’s passing, grief is like being in a bottomless, inescapable pit. It’s hard to see how things will get better, how you can be okay. Little things like getting out of bed or preparing a meal are a struggle. It’s tough going back to normal, and everything is a wreck. But as the day passes, you start to notice that your days are getting a little more bearable and that your nights are more restful. You look forward to things like backyard parties with friends or dinners on the weekend. You’re no longer in the bottomless pit. But then it hits you: it’s not okay to be okay.
The Fear of Letting Go
Grief is a tricky emotion. One day, all you want for it is to go away. And then when it does, you long for its company. There are many reasons for this love-hate relationship. For one, you might be mixing up pain and mourning with love for your deceased relative. So when sadness wears off, you feel like you’re already moving on with life, unbothered by lost love and affection. Or you probably believe that grief is the only thing that keeps you connected to your loved one, that when the crying and restless nights stop, you forget them in the process.
In other instances, people hold on to grief because it has become part of their identity. You ask yourself who you are when you’re not grieving for your husband or wife who passed away. You wonder what your purpose is when you’re not holding a vigil for them. It’s difficult to know who you are after a tragic loss. All these things explain why you’re afraid to let go of the grief.
The Proper Perspective on Grief
The truth about grief is that it’s not all about lamenting; moving on is very much a part of it. There has to be a point in your pain wherein you decide to let go. In this stage, know that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. Remember that your relative’s memory isn’t made alive by your pain. It’s present in people’s stories, in your family traditions, in the lessons they taught you, and in photographs and headstones. In Bountiful, bereavement specialists refute the saying that the more you grieve, the more you show your love to your relative. The truth is, love doesn’t hold someone captive in an emotional pit. It frees or liberates. It puts you in a state of peace.
As for finding yourself again after a loss, make a conscious decision to go back to your routine and maintain social bonds. It will give you a sense of normalcy. You can also revisit your deceased loved one’s favorite places now that you’re ready mentally and emotionally. From there, you can initiate advocacies or social causes as a way of honoring your relative and keeping their memory alive.
Are You Afraid to Let Go?
It’s tough to move on with life when you experience loss or death. It doesn’t feel right. But the truth is that letting go is a crucial part of grieving. Make a decision today to move forward.